Word Jiu Jitsu Techniques
How to use your words to be a better problem-solver
The term “word jiu jitsu” comes out of the customer service industry, where interactions are openly criticized at a high rate. When there is a problem with service, choosing the right words is the difference between a happy customer and a pissed-off one. So, understanding how to use your words is a valuable lesson.
Word jiu jitsu is not something we are born with. First, we must learn a language - a way to communicate with each other. And next, we must learn how to use that language to help us solve problems and build relationships. Understanding that word jiu jitsu is a skill - something that can be obtained through purposeful practice - is the first step in getting good at it. For all serious problem solvers out there, being able to communicate and form problem-solving groups like GENIES (as we wrote about HERE), is paramount. Focusing on word jiu jitsu is one of the wisest returns on investment any serious problem solver could spend their time learning.
Here are 10 techniques we can all use to make our word jiu jitsu more effective:
Clear and Confident Communication. Learn how to enunciate and add emotion to your voice.
Use Clear Definitions (like we wrote about HERE). When we don’t use clear definitions, we talk past each other. This is a huge problem for society right now. Good contracts and high-trust both start wth good definitions.
Set Expectations. Let’s look at an example in the service industry of two people who had the exact same experience. They both came to a restaurant with a family of 5 with no reservation and both waited 1 hour to be seated. They both had the same meal, great service, and good atmosphere. Yet one family is happy, and the other family is upset. Why? What was the difference? The difference was the first family was told it would be a 2-hour wait and only waited an hour. The second family was told it would be a ten-minute wait and waited a full hour. They had different expectations.
Focus on the Outcome. If you are presented with a situation that, let’s say, might call for violence - someone is being threatening to you - the best approach is to think of the outcome you want. In this case, that should be a peaceful solution. Try to use your words to get there first, using calm, confident, and direct paths as a solution to the threat. Also, focusing on positive outcomes (like trying to achieve a goal or dream) should always be reinforced with visualization. Visualize the result you want to see.
Be Authentic - check yourself and try to always be honest so you never have to fall back on a lie. It’s okay to carefully craft words, but it is not good word jiu jitsu to lie. Authenticity builds trust, and trust-building is one of the best benefits of good word jiu jitsu.
Don’t Resent, Use Sugar on the Spoon - good word jiu jitsu artists will say what they mean and not hold things in that they want to say. Never leave a conversation wishing you had said something unless you fear a worse outcome if you said it. Also, if you need to say something that might be critical of someone, put sugar on the spoon. The more critical, the more sugar you should use.
Focus on the System - suggest improvements and criticisms of systems instead of people whenever possible. Ego is less attached to systems and, therefore, easier to criticize to make real change.
Because, Base Decisions on Results. Try to point to metrics and measurables when making a case for an idea. Use the word “because” to give people reasons why you are making decisions. The word ‘because’ is very powerful for helping people understand with grace.
Avoid Labeling People. Labels are a huge problem with group problem-solving and word jiu jitsu. Avoid using labels for people. Instead, discuss problems, solutions, criticisms, central points, and repeatable results one at a time. Labels lead to echo chambers, echo chambers lead to groupthink, and groupthink leads to tyranny, as we wrote about HERE. Start with the problem, not the label of the group of people.
Strive for Good Explanations That Are Hard to Vary. This is the essence of all scientific study - good explanations that are hard to vary. When you use these in your word jiu jitsu, you solidify good theories, and let scrutinty evolve bad ones.
Follow these ten steps of word jiu jitsu, and you will be on your way to at least a blue belt by the end of the year. Remember, just like real jiu jitsu, word jiu jitsu requires understanding, goals, vulnerability, and purposeful practice.
All problems that do not defy the laws of physics are solvable with the right knowledge - David Deutsch
Humans solve problems better in high-trust groups, and solving problems is happiness!
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Thank you for this. I didn’t necessarily have a word for what I do and how I do it, but you’ve helped me realize that I deserve a black belt in word jiu-jitsu. I consider myself a good communicator and realized that I use all those techniques that you’ve outlined.
Thank you for the validation and affirmation. I appreciate all the work that you do on behalf of the collective with your intentions.
There can be no productive discussion before establishing agreement on word definition.
Two other essentials are humility and respect. No one knows everything and knowing we don’t know allows necessary learning.